Just clocked my blood pressure at 166/113. And strangely, it feels low. For me, anyway. That’s the kicker. It’s still too high by any standard, but compared to where I’ve been, it’s almost comforting. Almost.

Living with HIV and being a dialysis patient means my body’s been through the wringer. I’ve learned to read numbers like a second language—CD4, viral load, creatinine, blood pressure. I know what’s “normal” for others and what’s survivable for me. And sometimes, those two don’t line up.

Dialysis changes everything. It’s not just about filtering blood—it’s about recalibrating life. Every symptom, every reading, every ache has layers. Is it the HIV? The kidneys? The meds? The stress? All of the above?

So here I am, wondering what we’ll do next. What can we do? More meds? Different meds? Another tweak to the dialysis schedule? I’m already doing the work—watching my diet, staying active, managing stress (as best I can). But the numbers are still shouting.

It’s exhausting. But it’s also a kind of power. Because I’m not ignoring it. I’m showing up. I’m asking questions. I’m pushing for better.

If you’re reading this and you’re juggling HIV and dialysis too, I see you. You’re not alone. Let’s keep showing up. Let’s keep advocating. Let’s keep believing that better is possible.

Because we deserve better.