I’ve lived with HIV since March 2009. That’s over sixteen years of navigating stigma, science, silence, and survival. I’ve seen the shift—from fear to understanding, from whispered shame to U=U. I’ve lived it. I’ve taught it. I’ve carried it.

So when younger gay men—who grew up with PrEP, with queer history at their fingertips—still flinch, still ghost, still say “clean only”… it stings. Not because I expect perfection, but because I expect memory. Compassion. Community.

They should know better. But sometimes, they don’t.

And here’s the truth: HIV isn’t a moral failing. It’s not a reason to recoil. It’s a part of our shared story. It’s managed. It’s understood. It’s lived with dignity.

Those of us living with HIV? We are not your cautionary tale. We are your elders, your lovers, your friends. We are the ones who remember what it cost to get here. We are still here.

So if you’re a younger gay man reading this: pause. Ask where that discomfort comes from. Who taught you to flinch? Who benefits when you stay silent?

Then choose better. Speak up. Learn. Love without shame. Because knowing better isn’t enough. We need you to do better.