Queer As Folk US logoLast night was difficult – I’m not quite sure why, but it was. I was watching the last episode of Series 1 of Queer As Folk (American version) with my friend Andrew.

Right at the end of this episode is the scene where Justin Taylor, played so excellently by Randy Harrison, ends up as the victim in a vicious homophobic attack. Justin is taken to hospital, and there is a lot of crying, not just on screen – but in the audience.

I said something then that I possibly shouldn’t have. But I’m repeating it now to see what others think.

When I go, I don’t want anyone to cry like that.

But then I ended up in bed crying my eyes out. What does that mean?

This morning thinking back, I think that it meant that I was actually worried that when I die, whenever that will be – this year, next year, next decade, whenever – will those that are left around cry? Or will they be glad that I have gone.

Self-pity, mixed with self-doubt, not a good thing for me. I must get out and find something to do to keep my mind a bit more occupied.

Just for reference, here is the music from that last scene that we watched last night. I think that the music may have had more than a little to do with the emotions.

I selected this post to be featured on my blog’s page at Personal Blogs.