Well I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I was out with a new mate. One that I thought might lead to something more. One problem : he’s negative. In the middle of a night out I ended up telling him about my status.
K-‘s been relatively okay about this. But it highlights to me the problem in being interested in men that aren’t known to be positive. When is the time to tell them? How can the virus be passed on? Is kissing wrong? Should I resign myself to being single for ever?
Perhaps that would be simpler. At least it would stop the need to tell friends. I now feel so much like a piece of shit. Something that should be swept away by the nearest dust cart.
But I know this will not happen. What next? It’d probably would have been better that I had not been born! That way I’d not hurt my friends. The happiness of my friends is more
Important to me than my own.
Maybe I should be made to wear a “plague” symbol. The red ribbon is sufficient enough for many in this society to think that those who wear it must be positive. But that is not what it is there for. What symbol should I wear then? No doubt in the Third Reich they would have come up with another symbol. Not just the pink triangle but something in addition?
Oh dear. It reads almost as if you were looking for a reason to feel guilty; yet you have (by your own account) been scrupulously honest with your new friend… And I feel sure that you know that kissing is not an infectious activity for HIV. Feeling for you and thinking of you: but remember that meeting this person you like should definitely be counted a *Good Thing*! Here endeth the lesson…
Much love of course, friend. *hugs*